I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
