I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
