I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
