There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's like iHOP with fire
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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