every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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