the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
