She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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