The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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