Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
