i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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