Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
