Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
