Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
