90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
