college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
