He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
