Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
