oh god the rape fog is back!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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