come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
