Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
