i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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