I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
