I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
