theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
