It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
