I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
