i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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