Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
