I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
