weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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