glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
