it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
