If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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