Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
