I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
