I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
