I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize