She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
