This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
