so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
