Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
