he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
