If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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