she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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