If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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