Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
