Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
