It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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