if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
