For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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