I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
