I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
