Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
