U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
