Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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