She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
