I molested 6 butterflies tonight
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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