Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
