Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
