I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
