He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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