Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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