Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
