If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
