we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
did i just pee glitter
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