Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
