i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
