I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
