but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
