just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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